The context of the passage contains some very strong concepts - binding and loosing directly afterwards, followed by Jesus' teaching and parable on forgiveness... Previous to the passage is discussion of who is the greatest; and accepting or offending little children, and dire consequences of the latter, that their angels see God's face, that God is seeking lost sheep...

 
Offending is a very serious business - and why? Because it is dealing with developing human relationships; and Christianity, in fact all of God's eternal business is about relationships.

 
Let's examine the typical church response to conflict within it's ranks...

First - someone gets offended at what someone else is doing - not always directly relating to themselves. They go and tell the church leader, who calls in the person and says that a report of their misdoing has been received.

What then goes on in the person's heart? Do they calmly examine themselves, and say -"Yes, I have sinned, and I won't do it again"? - Or perhaps, again calmly, "No, that is not true" and then everyone goes on their way? Not very likely.

 
No, the typical response is "Who said that?" - which is a normal, and in this case also a scriptural response - see Matthew 18:15-17 above. They are usually told that it doesn't matter who, that the person is too scared to say it to their face - and they have to deal with the leadership - scary stuff!

The person is too busy trying to figure out who would think so badly of them to say something like this behind their back, and why would they say it, and

- whether it is 'so and so', in which case you know that they didn't like hearing the truth about 'such and such' and you could say a few things about them, and....

- or, you just can't figure it - someone got you so wrong, or they didn't know something, or they just have a different way of seeing things, you don't agree, they are too hard, or too soft, or they....

- or you think it is a spiritual attack, that something doesn't like the fact that you're sticking your neck out to try and make a difference in the world, that the leadership feels threatened because you might look better than them, that there's a power play going on, and you got in the firing line, that....

- or that the Lord is trying to say something to you about doing too much, or that it isn't your time, or that He is trying to expose something in you or in others, or that....

- or others are right and you are wrong in the way you are thinking, you can't trust yourself because of some problem that happened when you were young, you...

- or all of the above or none of the above or something you can't imagine, or....

And so it goes on and on and on till the small hours in your head, and maybe you talk about it to others, and who knows, and oh, the stress! And oh, the damage! And because we all suffer somewhat from rejection and guilt complexes in this humanistic world of ours.... - somewhere in there is the fear of "Is it true?" even if you can't see it, and the consequences that may come of admitting it...

 
Of course really the church leader wants a different response - a humble admitting of faults, a few tears, a sincere repentance, a putting themselves in the leadership's hands, public confession maybe, stepping down from the work if necessary... Why not a hair shirt? [tongue in cheek] And the great work of the church goes on...

Maybe, but is it really right for the church? Is it healthy? Is it wholesome? Does it make a big difference for eternity? Is it loving? Does it build loving relationships? Is it Christ-ianity, or church-ianity? Or is it more like a machine, keeping the works going, like empire building!

 
Imagine trying the scriptural response then, to see if it works...

First, someone comes to the leader with a complaint or concern. The leader says "Have you spoken to the person about this?" Often the response to this is "I'm too scared, too uncomfortable"... The leader should then say -"I will call this person in to meet with you and I, or would you rather it be with another leader?" If the person won't agree to face the offender - there should be a suggestion made then to pray about it, and to get back to the leadership when they wish to follow through. If it is a wide-ranging personal attack - such as an accusation of an attitude of pride, which is a matter of opinion - this should be pointed out also, and they should be asked to detail specific observable behaviours to talk about at the meeting.

The reason for this will become clear, as I outline a possible scenario where a joint meeting is agreed to, and held.

 
Firstly, a complaint is voiced, and the church leader asks the person to go back to the one being complained about, and tell them their concerns. This may bring a resolution, if the person listens, learns, and praying together, makes a change. Or, listens and explains, and the person voicing the complaint suddenly realises they have misconstrued the event, and there was nothing to complain about - or perhaps realises that the problem was in fact, their own issue, and not the person's fault at all! With prayer, confession and forgiveness, there is a healing brought about.

 
Or perhaps the issue is not resovled. The person being complained about won't work it through but becomes defensive, by being aggressive, or withdrawing, or by complying without meaning it - like kids say "sorry" when they're told to!

 
This is a time when a third party can be requested - someone in a position of deserved trust. If the person refuses to face the issue, the scripture says that this should be published abroad, and the person is treated almost as if they were not a Christian - no responsibility in the church - not trusted as a person...

Prayer, counsel, can be on offer, an open door for them, but they must come through it.

 
If they do come to a third party meeting, and are able to work through the issue - it still may be that both parties learn something, that both have some confessing and forgiving to do. Complaints which are personal attacks have a way of sounding as if the person is always doing wrong, and are very hard to disprove or prove - such as rebellion, or pride. Specific issues can be resolved.

 
The thing is that any relationship needs this kind of work to develop. Bill Hybels calls it the "tunnel of chaos" where you get past the 'social face' and see the person as they really are. If you can work it through well, you have a relationship of deeper trust, and a true friendship can develop.

 
A leader who can implement such a happening will be greatly appreciated and loved. It may be that good professional counseling may be needed, or a discerning of spirits, or both... Imagine the growth in the health of the whole body when such a course of action is followed. As I said - the scriptural approach!

 
The results of the present approach - of accepting complaints behind people's backs - is ripping the body apart. Lack of trust, inability to resolve issues and build relationships and to grow individuals, means that only people who had healthy upbringing succeed at church life - and not even them at times.

People are suffering from lack of understanding and care, and relationships and true religion are wanting. The church doesn't look attractive to the world who are all too aware of the problems, and see little of the life of Christ operating. If we want to change our world for Christ - there is no doubt that it must begin with us as individuals in the context of a healthy family life, in a truly functioning body, a loving extended family, that is working to facilitate real day to day relationships and fellowship.

 
Some examples of reported misdeeds from church leaders I have seen, heard of or experienced:

Some people don't like the way you dance [a complaint made to a sensitive person in a church cafe where anyone could hear]
- my child said you shouted and smacked someone in Sunday school [parental permission had been given to give a quick slap on the leg for two difficult children]
- you are spending too much time doing church work
- you are rebellious, undoctrinal and I don't want any loose canons in my church
- you are out to cause trouble and division in the church with your complaints [is it wrong to ever complain?]
- you are not wanted here by someone who was here first
- you are unsubmissive...
[Note that family problems are really important to be treated right, and too often I've seen the person asking for help ending up being treated as if they were the problem.... The family is the building block of society - including the church! Also the less attractive, dysfunctional people are inclined to get a response of being treated as if they were the problem automatically - note that the word "little one" in Matthew 18:6ff - can mean an immature Christian - it is also 'woe' to offend them!]

 
And I'm sure many of us can add to the list. Of course there may be some truth in what is asserted, but you can't know exactly what it is because the person who saw the problem is not there - and you can't tell if it is their problem in the first place. It's true to say there's two sides to the story, but you won't get both unless you see the interaction. People get offended at the strangest things at times, for the strangest reasons. It could be just attention getting, or jealousy, and leadership will never know if the scriptural method is not followed.

  Let's hope we don't have too many people who won't listen! The Bible is very tough on them, but it works!

But now I have written to you not to keep company with any man that is called a brother who is promiscuous, or is greedy for gain, or an idolater, or abusive, or a drunkard, or a predator; don't eat with such a person... ...Don't you judge them that are within? But God judges those that are outsiders. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person. 1 Cor. 5:11-13

 
Note one other important scripture on this matter...

Don't receive an accusation against an elder, except before two or three witnesses. 1 Tim. 5:19. This shouldn't need any explanation, just that the devil does take more pot shots at people who stand up and be counted for God's work.

Who are the elders? And he organized some to be apostles; and some prophets; and some evangelists; and some pastors and teachers; for the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the building of the body of Christ: until we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to being a mature person, up to the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: Ephes. 4:11-13

And two more excellent scriptures to finish:

I therefore, ... plead with you that you walk worthy of the road you were invited to travel on, with humility and gentleness, with patience, putting up with one another in love; making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephes. 4:1-3

But speaking the truth in love, you may grow up into being like him in all things, who is Christ, the head: from whom the whole church body joined beautifully together and knitted close by what every part supplies, according to how effective each part is, making the body increase by its structure of love. Ephes. 4:15-16

Deb Burton
Jan 2006